An End

I need to put an end to all this.
Someone teach me how.
The days just all blend together, I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
People who used to be there, aren’t.
They disappear and think it’s okay.
I’ll never trust anyone again or put my faith in anyone. You’ve ruined that for me. So I’m shutting the door on everyone so nobody else can be let in.
There’s nothing else to know. When there’s no options left other than a few passing thoughts now an again.
It doesn’t work.
I don’t think the writing is working.
What would I possibly have to say to all of you? What knowledge could I share? I want to take time back, hit rewind, so I can prevent the past. How do you prevent the past? I want it as though it never existed so even if we pass I wouldn’t know you.
There would be no feelings. No nothing, you would be just another random person.
Too late. We can’t stop this minute from happening. No matter what.

Random thoughts

What did I do to make you mad
Will I ever get an answer
I don’t understand your world
I know I don’t belong
But I was a friend
Who fell in love
I couldn’t hide it
I guess
But I’m still here
Wondering how I can fix this
But you won’t let me speak to you
Emotions ran strong
Now it’s turning to despair
If this was like before
It won’t turn out good
No happy endings in my life
Nothing to look forward to
I can’t say the right thing to you
If I put it out there
Will you finally know
How it feels
To be in my life
Or to feel what I feel
I want you to understand
Just reach out
Or is it ruined
If it is
Then delete me from your life
And pretend I didn’t exist
And don’t look back
Like what was done to
Me before
I can’t recover from that
But I deal with it alone
With no one to speak to about it
In the real world you got my respect
In an emotional world you got
My pain
Why I did this
I’ll never know
I wanted to breathe
And open up
To get shut down

It’s Time

It’s time for the emotional breakdown. To hit rock bottom and maybe when I’m down there I will find what it is I am looking for.
Whatever that is. Is it time to move on is it time to stop caring or do I just keep getting knocked to the ground with no warning. What’s it going to lead to in the end. It’s going nowhere fast.

I want to know where it all went wrong and what I’ve done I cause it. No one is deserving of a life of questioning themselves and second guessing their choice in words and emotions that take over.
There’s nothing to start with, there’s nothing to end with. I’m no where in the middle. I’d rather be alone to figure out where it is I want to be and who I want in my life, but it’s too late. Life chose for me exactly where I am right now. Too bad I’m not good at life. I firmly believe letting your heart and emotions take over leads to disaster, from previous experience. So the next time I just let it all happen all over again. Lessons learned for the future, this trend has got to stop.
The simplest words spoken can cause irreplaceable damage.
I came in the middle. Not the beginning or the end. Coming in the middle is harmful because it seems there’s no compassion in the middle. Nothing matters and words no matter how hurtful or kind get shrugged off. It’s nothing like the end or the beginning.
Lessons got to be learned to reach the end which should of never started. It seems coming in the middle causes irrefutable harm where people just try to be nice but you know in the back of your mind it’s fake nice. And I hate that, along with liars.
I will say the view is incredible though but forbidden.
Emotional breakdown anyone?