They say not to take life so serious and to sit back and have some fun. Well, that’s hard when you have your guard up all the time.
When someone hurts you when your little, It takes away all the innocence of childhood. I was afraid, A lot. How do you stop this from happening? You can’t. Not when your so young that nobody hears you or believes you. I don’t want to remember what happened. Nor would I ever want to re live it.
Hows does this affect a person today? I cannot trust anyone. I don’t know how to love anyone, not even myself, I have a half sense of knowing and understanding of any religion and I wake up from nightmares.
People wonder why I do the things I do and why I’m always on edge. How do you make it end? Is there anything out there such as a magic world to completely re invent your soul so I could actually breathe and smile for once?
Where does it go from here?
If you think you’re right, you’re wrong. If you think you’re wrong, you’re right. You think you know my life, you don’t. You think we’ll be friends, we won’t. Want to close the door, go ahead. I’m standing my ground and figuring it out myself. You want to speak up, you can’t. I don’t care who says what, I’ll fight back. I can’t remain silent anymore. You think I’m lying, you’re a fool. For what you believe is false. You practice a lonely life because you’re weak and you let that show. I knew it all along. You’re not who you say.
I’m the only one who will say it.
Is this enough, No. Will it continue, forever. I don’t lie and I’m not fake. You made this mistake. I will pray for your soul but that won’t help, you tear down the brick walls you’ve bind yourself to. Crying for help but no one would listen. Look at you now. The roles are reversed. I can hold my head high because of the last day till I die, you’ll always be cast in the shadows. Someone I looked up to and someone I believed is a fraud and a fake. Turn to your creator, he sees what you do. Your words are untrue. Never to be heard from, ever again. I walk away till the end.
Dealing with as much as I do on a daily basis is unheard of. It also depend on what it is I am dealing with. It’s either inside emotional pain or stress. Both combined and I’ve called it a day.
Luckilly there’s the select few who I can depend on to keep me on the sane side. Unfortunately they’re never around. Life is so busy why is it that when you cry it nobody listens. They’ve heard it before or they don’t know what to say. I’m reaching my hands out for someone to hold. I’m reaching my heart out to be healed. I’m reaching my mind out to learn about who I am, not where I’ve been and what I’ve been through. Looking forward I worry it will never come. Or if it has it was just a stranger crossing paths in a busy world. Tell me where to go and what door to open. I’m reaching out to you but you can’t hold your hand out. Maybe you don’t know how. Saying the wrong words is better than silence. I have to be silent on the outside and crying on the inside. If anyone saw I wouldn’t know how to explain, I go to speak and no words come out. I feel broken.
I have to get out of the dark, and come to the light. The problem is the light is where normal people live, and I cannot define any areas of my life as normal. I’m not motivated to write, I’m at a loss for words. I find it difficult to have any clear thoughts because the dark just keeps me hidden which is where I want to stay. This way, nobody has to question my motives or ideas on how to move on from such a place. It’s not comfortable to be in pain, but It’s safe to hide from the light. I never want to look back but going forward I want the past back where I could reach out without objection or judgement. I know not where it is I want to go, I just know I want to be there.
I need to put an end to all this.
Someone teach me how.
The days just all blend together, I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
People who used to be there, aren’t.
They disappear and think it’s okay.
I’ll never trust anyone again or put my faith in anyone. You’ve ruined that for me. So I’m shutting the door on everyone so nobody else can be let in.
There’s nothing else to know. When there’s no options left other than a few passing thoughts now an again.
It doesn’t work.
I don’t think the writing is working.
What would I possibly have to say to all of you? What knowledge could I share? I want to take time back, hit rewind, so I can prevent the past. How do you prevent the past? I want it as though it never existed so even if we pass I wouldn’t know you.
There would be no feelings. No nothing, you would be just another random person.
Too late. We can’t stop this minute from happening. No matter what.
She stared at the wall for hours. Sitting in the dark, on the floor. She just needed someone to listen, to care and to take her by the hand and give her a hug.
It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. He promised her over an over that he would never hurt her. Little did she know….She contemplated ways to end her life and reached out for help but there was nobody there. It was just her and a dark room.
There was a storm in the distance. She knew she had to get up and close the windows. And just as she gets up she notices a shadow.
He had come back for her and wanted to hold her more than anything. Once he realized it began to rain he left.
Can I know what it is you think about before you sleep?
Is it me. Is it us. Is it the future?
Something you wished you said, or haven’t said, because we have everyday till eternity.
There’s nothing left I can do. Nothing I can say. No actions I could take. Just. Nothing.
I was interested in the hopes of something more that turned into what it didn’t need to be. It should if never took the turn it went in. It was stopped before it began.
Emotions play a big part. I Should of known from prior experiences.
The only thing to really do now is give space and time and hope the future is better.
I’m not an expert in this area, by far it’s quite obvious. Next time, there will be no next time things won’t be so bad and it will be stopped.
I guess what I wa looking do first was a friend which I found in you that turned into something more, overstepping.
Now I just feel I’ve invaded your life and your world.
So that’s it. Nothing I can do. No words. No actions no more steps to take