I don’t get it

I’m giving up
Everyone’s knocked me down and I don’t want to get back up. I wish someone would step in and make it stop.
I want to live in another world where peace and love come together. I have my sight set on you and I always will. I hope I can make my future reality my permanent thought.When you’ve been pushed down and knocked around so much it messes with your mind so much that real true hearts become fiction for me. Wishing so much through the years for something, just one thing to be true. Somewhere out there lies the love you grasp on to having one day but would never recognize it. The warm hugs you so desperately seek in the beautiful surroundings of quiet.


Some day he will miss you as much as you miss him
Someday he will want to hug you as much as you want to hug him
Someday he will want the moments back just like you
Today he will miss seeing your face in the light
Tomorrow he will miss walking in the rain
Yesterday was too late because it’s already passed
You will look into a dark window and see nothing
Just sit on the floor and wait for that hand to reach down on a stormy night
Things will never be the same
You’ll be forever lost cause the words spoken were wrong
Nobody can scream so quietly
It’s inner self most deep thoughts
Self reflection on all the bad things thats been done
It’s a repeating process
Once it rains harder the pain becomes stronger
Maddening deaf quiet harsh tones in the still of silence encompass all life while waiting for that sweet voice
But everything is and always will be black

Information Technology Positions — Job & Career News from the Memphis Public Libraries

“Business Systems Analyst to be responsible for conducting analysis, planning, requirements gathering, and logical design of software applications. “Programmer Analyst to be responsible for the preparation, development, testing, maintenance, and support of software solutions. “Positions based in Collierville, TN, but requires travel/relocation to unanticipated locations throughout U.S. “Email resume to career@trothit.com or mail to TrothIT […]

via Information Technology Positions — Job & Career News from the Memphis Public Libraries

Too Long

It has been too long for something I loved doing, to take a break and only return to see these words that meant so much to me now mean heart break.  I feel like I’m gasping for air and I have fallen beneath the surface because I know I will never see you, again.  Falling in love and being happy and being able to smile to falling into a deep depression.

I needed you. You were more than a friend, you were my brother and best friend. I know it was wrong but there was a chemistry. I’ve never felt this way in such a forbidden way.  Connected souls until it all crashed down with no way to be saved. I cannot function anymore. I’ll always love you


Don’t let go
I’m playing for keeps
It took this long to realize how much you mean to me
But it’s too late
You decided not to stay
I am heartbroken
Who would play with someone’s heart
It’s not for sale
This is not a game
I am only human
And I break down too
It’s not what it seems
too much to perceive
I can’t bear the pain of being broken
Cause I’ve been there so many times
I want to be in your life
because your soul is endless
You hide and I sense the fear
I want to help
but the walls have been built and
you won’t knock them down
It hurts so bad I can’t sleep
Was this all a game

On a dark, rainy night

beautiful lonely dark quiet heart break, don’t look in my eyes you will see it, you will feel it, you will turn away,  the tears through the window in the shadow cast by the light, you will not know my pain it’s a struggle to say the words, the floor is cold I will wait for you to take my hand when you know my heart is yours and only yours

It’s True


I love you to death. 
I just wanted to say it because you won’t let me. 
I miss you but you already know it 
For as much as I am hurting I still reach out to you 
My childhood taught me that I will never learn or know better 
You don’t know what it’s like to trust someone and have it taken away abruptly What you see isn’t what you think 
Behind closed doors it’s dark and lonely 
I’m afraid and have to face it alone 
When all I want is a hug and to feel a sense of calm again, I can’t have that. You left me no where to find it

We were closer than anything but you let go 
Prayer doesn’t work when the very depths of our creator who allows pain is put upon you Drilling in your mind constantly 
Where are you when I needed it 
I faced many things alone 
I can’t apologize 
My words seem meaningless 
For once can I talk so you understand
I always seek out your attention but like always the back is turned like I am evil and had done something wrong

I’m nothing to nobody

But something to somebody

Where Does It Go From Here

They say not to take life so serious and to sit back and have some fun. Well, that’s hard  when you have your guard up all the time.

When someone hurts you when your little, It takes away all the innocence of childhood. I was afraid, A lot. How do you stop this from happening? You can’t. Not when your so young that nobody hears you or believes you. I don’t want to remember what happened. Nor would I ever want to re live it.

Hows does this affect a person today? I cannot trust anyone. I don’t know how to love anyone, not even myself, I have a half sense of knowing and understanding of any religion and I wake up from nightmares.

People wonder why I do the things I do and why I’m always on edge. How do you make it end? Is there anything out there such as a magic world to completely re invent your soul so I could actually breathe and smile for once?

Where does it go from here?