A new

Let’s be honest. Whose writing picked up
Or stopped during corona? These Past few months have been crazy! Couldn’t be out, couldn’t live. The world. Just stopped.
My intuition has increased. We’re being played. There’s too many things going in the wrong direction. We want to move forward, not backwards.
The people I’d love to connect with have fallen to the wayside and everything irritates me to now end with no rational reasoning. These 4 walls have been the most boring and enclosed structure on this Earth.
We did go haunt down to the beach though. Nice to see some adhere to the masks and others choosing their own freedoms. I’ve now been on both coasts of this Country.
The ocean is one of the happiest and most serene places ever.
I’m an adult and don’t feel the need to be dictated by one person who acts like they’re the king. So much so I’ve considered moving to another state.
Pray this ends. Pray for those who have gotten sick. Pray. Period. And don’t be afraid. Be a human and make your own decisions.

The Return of What?

So doing those again after so long, I Don’t know if I still have it in me. What’s all this prove besides nothing.
I feel this is a terrible waste of time. It’s not going to change people’s minds or allow them to come in my life and tell me they understand me now, because they won’t. Anyone out there who just feels like they live in the dark world I just want you know, I am there and I understand you.

Message me or comment. .I can help, I’m a great listener, But nobody does…
I’ll be fighting this forever. What we need are hugs and smiles and patience, and to be held.

Two people I was immensely close with, One is completely gone. He was my best friend. He understood Every little thing.
I’ll miss him every single minute of every day. I just want to know how he is doing.

Second front is a little better. Speaking terms is better then silence.
If someone is silent with you, They want to move on. They don’t want you. Follow your heart.

Take the best of every day. To those in the dark this should read hour by hour. You never know what to expect. We just want to be in bed all day under those blankets because this is the safest we feel. Nobody can harm us here. It’s comforting and comfortable. We can imagine being where ever we want, and we can imagine being with someone we love but are afraid to tell them this in real life. So we plan it all out. The happy life and home and partner and scenery. Every little aspect is perfect in our minds never to he shared with another living soul.
That house in the mountains still seems like the perfect world to me. That’s my escape. Nobody would ever find me and I can live and learn to be happy on my.own terms.

It’s magicial and gives me a sense of calm.

How would you know

How would you know of this were someone’s last ditch effort of reaching out and nobody was there? What if that last phone call was the last breath they took and you didn’t answer?
Just let that sink in…

It’s ok to stay on your own path but we tend to let people fall to the way side along the way. We could mean something to them, We could be the only one who can help or offer a smile to them and it can make their day and change their journey for the better.
Who’s really there when we need them?
I feel just as alone, Daily. And it’s because people are so consumed with what suits them that life passes by and vanishes in an instant.
I can mean nothing to the world but mean the world to one person.
Don’t be consumed.
Read between the lines.
Be that person.
Reach out and care
How do you know what a person is going through until you ask?
By any statistic I should not be here right now. I have been pushed down for so long that I cannot come up for air anymore.
I don’t know why I am but we all serve a purpose. Don’t look away. Be that person. You never know what you bring

Life

Look at that happy family

You had it better than me

Where was the childhood I needed

Why was it so bad

Why couldn’t I leave

And where would I go

It still haunts me today

I can’t live a normal life

People ask me what’s wrong

And I can’t explain

No medication will help

I am trapped

I can’t move on because it’s hard

Nightmares like no one understands

It’s consumed my life

I want to breathe

And be able to live

If just for one day

I want to feel what its like

To be able to trust and love someone like normal people do

Try telling screaming or crying for help

And get turned away

Left alone in the darkest part of your world

It’s frightening and scary and lonely

I live there everyday

Someday I pray for the light to make the pain disappear

He will tell me its ok you’re at peace now

What about those that hurt me

Where are they now and why did they do this

What did I do to deserve this

Why did God pick me to be hurt

Things in life I don’t understand

Things in life aren’t real like love and trust

I know God exists he answers my prayers

Maybe I should pray for the light while I’m still here

I want to live like a normal person.

My soul cries out with no one to listen

But I caught someone’s attention

He stuck around

Maybe its God’s answer to suffering for so long

Or just a way of saying it’s time to face this fear, you can do it, it’s ok

I wan to go to a big field with no one around and hear you talk to me

I need to help someone

I feel it’s why I’m here

Just listen to what I say

I’m a catalyst for him

My heavenly father will never let me down or make me cry

I wasn’t wanted then but I feel wanted now

He will never leave me astray

But I feel lost

I hit my head and don’t remember why it happened

I reach out and your not there

Twice this happened

To die scares me even though there is a better place

In my nightmares I am drowning and immediately awaken to fear and heavy breathing

They hurt me and I need to know why

I’ll never accept the word no because I need answers

I seek to hurt those who hurt me

It’s a pattern because of childhood

Even if 5 minutes please let me forget the past and step into today

I want to help those who are suffering

I feel lead to do things

I need to save the world

You are in my heart

You are in my soul

I cannot let that go

It’s a connection that no words can describe

I feel I’m holding on by a thread