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Life

Look at that happy family

You had it better than me

Where was the childhood I needed

Why was it so bad

Why couldn’t I leave

And where would I go

It still haunts me today

I can’t live a normal life

People ask me what’s wrong

And I can’t explain

No medication will help

I am trapped

I can’t move on because it’s hard

Nightmares like no one understands

It’s consumed my life

I want to breathe

And be able to live

If just for one day

I want to feel what its like

To be able to trust and love someone like normal people do

Try telling screaming or crying for help

And get turned away

Left alone in the darkest part of your world

It’s frightening and scary and lonely

I live there everyday

Someday I pray for the light to make the pain disappear

He will tell me its ok you’re at peace now

What about those that hurt me

Where are they now and why did they do this

What did I do to deserve this

Why did God pick me to be hurt

Things in life I don’t understand

Things in life aren’t real like love and trust

I know God exists he answers my prayers

Maybe I should pray for the light while I’m still here

I want to live like a normal person.

My soul cries out with no one to listen

But I caught someone’s attention

He stuck around

Maybe its God’s answer to suffering for so long

Or just a way of saying it’s time to face this fear, you can do it, it’s ok

I wan to go to a big field with no one around and hear you talk to me

I need to help someone

I feel it’s why I’m here

Just listen to what I say

I’m a catalyst for him

My heavenly father will never let me down or make me cry

I wasn’t wanted then but I feel wanted now

He will never leave me astray

But I feel lost

I hit my head and don’t remember why it happened

I reach out and your not there

Twice this happened

To die scares me even though there is a better place

In my nightmares I am drowning and immediately awaken to fear and heavy breathing

They hurt me and I need to know why

I’ll never accept the word no because I need answers

I seek to hurt those who hurt me

It’s a pattern because of childhood

Even if 5 minutes please let me forget the past and step into today

I want to help those who are suffering

I feel lead to do things

I need to save the world

You are in my heart

You are in my soul

I cannot let that go

It’s a connection that no words can describe

I feel I’m holding on by a thread

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